I want to tell everyone that I do so appreciate you. From the time I started writing until this very post I have always been one hundred percent sincere. It stands on its own. Yet I am going to have to take a hiatus, and I don't know just how long. I've thought about it a lot and I do think the essay, Desiderata, just about says it all. If I have to leave you with something that every single time I read it... it resonates. As Randy said, If everyone TRIED to follow this set of principles, the world would be a greater place. I couldn't agree more. I wish everyone nothing but good things. This site will continue to exist, and you never know.. I might be back next week... writing has always been just such therapy for me. Yet I have to do this. So, please if you haven't google DESIDERATA. It starts with "Go Placidly Admidst the Noise and Haste......." God Bless You. Thank you. See you down the road.
Paul
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Desiderata
It is scary when you have typed just enough blog entries that you start worrying if you are repeating yourself! That's hilarious. (to me). This is my whole intent. If you have not read "Desiderata", (google) a nice little essay about living, I highly recommend it. So That's all!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Best Snow In Years
I logged in here, and read my last post. Cringed. Then smiled, and went back up here to go at it again. Trying to hit some different themes! I think I well nailed the theme I've been continuing for months! I'm so grateful my sense of humor is back. It comes in little things, such as now when I crack myself up. Noone else laughing, but it sure is good for you- deep thing in soul I hope you know and understand!
I know some of you are from different places, so this winter's snowfall may or may not be something you recognize as a big deal. Around here, it just hasn't snowed like that in years. years! So it was fun. Snow for me brings back the kid. I like and love and miss the kid. Snow will do it. Time goes slower, and it may just be me but the memory stands out so good that you can look back on it almost forever. I have every great snow we ever had crystallized by one or two really good memories.
Something about the way it makes people stay where they are. If you are out and about, I love the fact that you are alone on the road. Not only because the road that you are driving is hazardous, but also people fear it is worse than it is. I like everything slowed down, and I remember that day just like yesterday. I have been keeping a truck for ohhhhhh. five years now? Don't know what made me do it the first time, but when I got that first truck with four wheel drive I had never known the power you have there. Like an animal, that vehicle as well as my next truck will dig for ground! I love that, and there is no better feeling in the world than to drive atop a snow COVERED road and not hardly slip and rarely turn complete circles-- ha -- at all! Like I said, it brings back the kid, and I miss the kid.
That should have been the title. Bring Back The Kid. I will ponder and get back to you on that. yeah. I'm out of here. Paul
I know some of you are from different places, so this winter's snowfall may or may not be something you recognize as a big deal. Around here, it just hasn't snowed like that in years. years! So it was fun. Snow for me brings back the kid. I like and love and miss the kid. Snow will do it. Time goes slower, and it may just be me but the memory stands out so good that you can look back on it almost forever. I have every great snow we ever had crystallized by one or two really good memories.
Something about the way it makes people stay where they are. If you are out and about, I love the fact that you are alone on the road. Not only because the road that you are driving is hazardous, but also people fear it is worse than it is. I like everything slowed down, and I remember that day just like yesterday. I have been keeping a truck for ohhhhhh. five years now? Don't know what made me do it the first time, but when I got that first truck with four wheel drive I had never known the power you have there. Like an animal, that vehicle as well as my next truck will dig for ground! I love that, and there is no better feeling in the world than to drive atop a snow COVERED road and not hardly slip and rarely turn complete circles-- ha -- at all! Like I said, it brings back the kid, and I miss the kid.
That should have been the title. Bring Back The Kid. I will ponder and get back to you on that. yeah. I'm out of here. Paul
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Things To Be Desired..... Desiderata
There is a saying entitled Desiderata. Written thoughts by a man during the fourties, it was written by a man who wanted to pass along some profound thoughts. I like them very much; so much so it is one of my most valued compositions I've ever found.
You can google that title and find it. It starts with "Go Placidly Amdidst the Noise and Haste". That is just the beginning and as it continues, it points out very important things I think are essential to life! Please read it for yourself and see what you think. As it goes through so many things we face in life, the last line is Strive to Be Happy! All of it combined resonates with me, and I truly like it.
Just to focus on Strive to be Happy. If we all did this! How much time in our precious lives do we spend vast amounts of energy going after artificial things that should (they say) make us happy. And all too bitterly, after so long... years..decades, we find we've been chasing hollow remedies. I say all of this because I've faced in past three years things which brought me low... so personally low, I was convinced that this bleak feeling was the way it was going to be forever. As I have said earlier, I was so prepared to end up at the end of the last ordeal permanently jaded and ready for a lack of any happiness. It is something when that is the highest of expectations regarding your own happiness; but I was resigned that was going to be it.
It could have been divine intervention, and it could have been my love for my daughters to know better than to fade because of them.... I don't know how I bounced upwards!! My girls and I were for the most part alone most of the time. People just didn't know how to engage! Were they interfering, invading? or it caused such discomfort (and I've in my life been so guilty myself of this... it is simply too painful to do it).
Ms. Abbey is about to need me, so this blog will not get completed the way I envisioned it. And my themes keep running the same message, BE HAPPY!
I can tell you after so much time experiencing that level of pain and grief, I did come out with the feeling I do not fear a whole lot anymore. I've been to the edge with my own hospital experience; at which Susie most probably had stage One or Two Triple Negative. I was granted I feel a wonderful pardon! Still can't or ever can figure that all out, but I know what that will do to a person! The cancer battle tops my list now of hardest thing I've ever had to live with day to day and mentally hang with it, no matter how dim it got I dove for hope and I fought as hard as i've ever fought as my role in this battle. After all of that you are less afraid of things. Realization this life makes no guarantees, and out of that comes a real concrete feeling. Knowing all of that, you aren't as afraid...because you know it is not in your realm of control. So you are acutely aware of what you CAN control and that is how you are going to view that precious gift of life you have that moment. Somewhere within that came the potential to Strive to Be Happy. Don't wait for a future time. Better get on with it! I promise that.
In time, I hope to move to other topics that don't just keep repeating the same theme. Yet if you spent every minute of every day ignoring ones you love for fame, money, anything you can dream of and most humans do. Yet the stark reality is that if you don't look around to the ones you love, and make the most of that day, all this other might well be in vain.
Adversity will always come to visit. Casualties in the group of people around you can and will happen. In my life, I once let one of these cause me to waste many years during my twenties...in grief and trying to 'solve' the problem. I emerged after all of that with not one answer! They don't come. I would have been better served to keep moving and Strive to Be Happy. I could never get those years back, and I wasted them.
So, tonight and tommorow, don't quit your job or anything like that! But put some thought about what am I doing that is the opposite of striving to be happy? I think it is a worthwhile question. My temptation is to erase this entry, but maybe I didn't repeat everything and maybe a grain of something was worth it. Please be good to yourselves and one another.
Thank you
Paul
You can google that title and find it. It starts with "Go Placidly Amdidst the Noise and Haste". That is just the beginning and as it continues, it points out very important things I think are essential to life! Please read it for yourself and see what you think. As it goes through so many things we face in life, the last line is Strive to Be Happy! All of it combined resonates with me, and I truly like it.
Just to focus on Strive to be Happy. If we all did this! How much time in our precious lives do we spend vast amounts of energy going after artificial things that should (they say) make us happy. And all too bitterly, after so long... years..decades, we find we've been chasing hollow remedies. I say all of this because I've faced in past three years things which brought me low... so personally low, I was convinced that this bleak feeling was the way it was going to be forever. As I have said earlier, I was so prepared to end up at the end of the last ordeal permanently jaded and ready for a lack of any happiness. It is something when that is the highest of expectations regarding your own happiness; but I was resigned that was going to be it.
It could have been divine intervention, and it could have been my love for my daughters to know better than to fade because of them.... I don't know how I bounced upwards!! My girls and I were for the most part alone most of the time. People just didn't know how to engage! Were they interfering, invading? or it caused such discomfort (and I've in my life been so guilty myself of this... it is simply too painful to do it).
Ms. Abbey is about to need me, so this blog will not get completed the way I envisioned it. And my themes keep running the same message, BE HAPPY!
I can tell you after so much time experiencing that level of pain and grief, I did come out with the feeling I do not fear a whole lot anymore. I've been to the edge with my own hospital experience; at which Susie most probably had stage One or Two Triple Negative. I was granted I feel a wonderful pardon! Still can't or ever can figure that all out, but I know what that will do to a person! The cancer battle tops my list now of hardest thing I've ever had to live with day to day and mentally hang with it, no matter how dim it got I dove for hope and I fought as hard as i've ever fought as my role in this battle. After all of that you are less afraid of things. Realization this life makes no guarantees, and out of that comes a real concrete feeling. Knowing all of that, you aren't as afraid...because you know it is not in your realm of control. So you are acutely aware of what you CAN control and that is how you are going to view that precious gift of life you have that moment. Somewhere within that came the potential to Strive to Be Happy. Don't wait for a future time. Better get on with it! I promise that.
In time, I hope to move to other topics that don't just keep repeating the same theme. Yet if you spent every minute of every day ignoring ones you love for fame, money, anything you can dream of and most humans do. Yet the stark reality is that if you don't look around to the ones you love, and make the most of that day, all this other might well be in vain.
Adversity will always come to visit. Casualties in the group of people around you can and will happen. In my life, I once let one of these cause me to waste many years during my twenties...in grief and trying to 'solve' the problem. I emerged after all of that with not one answer! They don't come. I would have been better served to keep moving and Strive to Be Happy. I could never get those years back, and I wasted them.
So, tonight and tommorow, don't quit your job or anything like that! But put some thought about what am I doing that is the opposite of striving to be happy? I think it is a worthwhile question. My temptation is to erase this entry, but maybe I didn't repeat everything and maybe a grain of something was worth it. Please be good to yourselves and one another.
Thank you
Paul
Thursday, February 11, 2010
After virus took computer, finally got it back
My apology to everyone. But a virus took my prized computer and I found it was harder to go and get a new computer..do the setup, add the internet connection.. I think you all understand that part. This stuff used to be fun for me once. Once!
I hope in the interim everyone is doing well. Winter will soon fall away, and reveal my most favorite time which is Spring. Proof of life eternal. The whole world, especially nature, seems to be just thrilled. I actually went through a part of my life oblivious to the blooms that explode in the spring. I never tire of them now... a testament to life.. its resilience. Beauty. Oh yeah, the world is for that wonderful period of time literally blazing with the new blossoms of for example, the dogwood. On that trail in Knoxville it is so beautiful. White brilliance just farther than the eyes can see. Fall may be beautiful, but it is a swan song. Winter is coming. I love Spring... oh yes I've said that.
Our family continues! I remain so proud of my girls, who looking back never seemed to show any faltering. I don't recognize hardly that man who alone in this very room I am in now, stared at the walls and was in just such a horrible state. I'm very proud I don't hardly recognize him. He wasn't doing his girls any good, nor himself. It got very lonely here, and for those who did hang in there with me I have the most profound love and gratitude. Truly. Many would see me every two to three weeks, but the day to day was the time that I chose life over whatever that staring at the walls thing was. I promise to for the rest of my life not ever reach such a low point. All understandable, but life is too fleeting and precious to not treasure each beautiful day here. My girls responded immediately, and I realized they need their father to be this way. So full steam ahead. I've got it now.
Not sure I've got a real topic to throw out there and talk about. The snow has really come this year! I'm a snow lover!!! We went quite a few years with some meager snows if you could have called them that! So I was thrilled by this weather, and know certain people do not like it at all. But I will forever remember it. A magic descends just for a little while, and the whole world slows down just a little bit. I like that. So, I hope many of you felt the same. I know my New York friends would have real trouble seeing what the big deal is! Well, down here since the probability is so low for a crippling snow, we just don't invest in the big plows, et cetera that they do up north! But I haven't had a real fire in fireplace during a snow on the ground and I hate that. That would really do it for me. Maybe we have another storm or two ahead before this winter departs.
I suppose I will close. this was the first test of my new computer. I haven't even built my email stuff into it yet, which takes enough work that I'm avoiding it for the moment. School is back in tommorow after being out for so much of the week. Will get the girls as readjusted to normal sleep patterns, bedtimes as I can. In time for the weekend. I do hope Victoria gets to go to her cousins in Arkansas. They are going to undergo training to work this summer with children that have disabilities! I almost missed that whole thing, but was in the right place and the right time for Victoria to share that with me. I'm proud of Victoria.... just so much. Proud of both of them! Yet must admit I wasn't that thoughtful when I was a teenager. Much respect to my wise younger daughter for making a decision to do something that isn't always easy. I'm sure just as all experience, she will learn invaluable lessons.
Hopefully it won't be that long before I get on here. If any of you are around! I so want this spring to be one just full of life for us all. I have emerged with a real thirst for not wasting time. Net sum experiences have caused me to conclude that this is very important. AMEN
Be Good To Yourself
Paul Motheral
I hope in the interim everyone is doing well. Winter will soon fall away, and reveal my most favorite time which is Spring. Proof of life eternal. The whole world, especially nature, seems to be just thrilled. I actually went through a part of my life oblivious to the blooms that explode in the spring. I never tire of them now... a testament to life.. its resilience. Beauty. Oh yeah, the world is for that wonderful period of time literally blazing with the new blossoms of for example, the dogwood. On that trail in Knoxville it is so beautiful. White brilliance just farther than the eyes can see. Fall may be beautiful, but it is a swan song. Winter is coming. I love Spring... oh yes I've said that.
Our family continues! I remain so proud of my girls, who looking back never seemed to show any faltering. I don't recognize hardly that man who alone in this very room I am in now, stared at the walls and was in just such a horrible state. I'm very proud I don't hardly recognize him. He wasn't doing his girls any good, nor himself. It got very lonely here, and for those who did hang in there with me I have the most profound love and gratitude. Truly. Many would see me every two to three weeks, but the day to day was the time that I chose life over whatever that staring at the walls thing was. I promise to for the rest of my life not ever reach such a low point. All understandable, but life is too fleeting and precious to not treasure each beautiful day here. My girls responded immediately, and I realized they need their father to be this way. So full steam ahead. I've got it now.
Not sure I've got a real topic to throw out there and talk about. The snow has really come this year! I'm a snow lover!!! We went quite a few years with some meager snows if you could have called them that! So I was thrilled by this weather, and know certain people do not like it at all. But I will forever remember it. A magic descends just for a little while, and the whole world slows down just a little bit. I like that. So, I hope many of you felt the same. I know my New York friends would have real trouble seeing what the big deal is! Well, down here since the probability is so low for a crippling snow, we just don't invest in the big plows, et cetera that they do up north! But I haven't had a real fire in fireplace during a snow on the ground and I hate that. That would really do it for me. Maybe we have another storm or two ahead before this winter departs.
I suppose I will close. this was the first test of my new computer. I haven't even built my email stuff into it yet, which takes enough work that I'm avoiding it for the moment. School is back in tommorow after being out for so much of the week. Will get the girls as readjusted to normal sleep patterns, bedtimes as I can. In time for the weekend. I do hope Victoria gets to go to her cousins in Arkansas. They are going to undergo training to work this summer with children that have disabilities! I almost missed that whole thing, but was in the right place and the right time for Victoria to share that with me. I'm proud of Victoria.... just so much. Proud of both of them! Yet must admit I wasn't that thoughtful when I was a teenager. Much respect to my wise younger daughter for making a decision to do something that isn't always easy. I'm sure just as all experience, she will learn invaluable lessons.
Hopefully it won't be that long before I get on here. If any of you are around! I so want this spring to be one just full of life for us all. I have emerged with a real thirst for not wasting time. Net sum experiences have caused me to conclude that this is very important. AMEN
Be Good To Yourself
Paul Motheral
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Is Anybody Out There?
I must apologize to my friends here. I've been OUT! But in my defense, my computer was hit by a terrible virus and it is no more. Pictures, old journal entries, emails, just a lot of things gone. So with no computer..... no blog!
So, cannot do this site justice at the moment. It sure makes you wonder if the people selling the computers, aren't the same people making the viruses!
I would just like to say that our whole family is doing well. The girls have had to adjust to Dad being the sole parent and therefore a lot of little things have changed! Of course, their father is a big fan of his children; so I think although it has taken a little while, they both have a new respect for Dad and I think know they could get away with a lot. Fortunately, good girls. I'm lucky.
No real long post this time. I'm happy. Life is continuing and hand in hand with keeping up with the kids, I'm doing well at work and my outlook is bright. So, I wish only the same for all of you. Enough sadness, and suffering in the world. Everyday you don't have that.... you had better soak that up.
Sincerely,
Paul
So, cannot do this site justice at the moment. It sure makes you wonder if the people selling the computers, aren't the same people making the viruses!
I would just like to say that our whole family is doing well. The girls have had to adjust to Dad being the sole parent and therefore a lot of little things have changed! Of course, their father is a big fan of his children; so I think although it has taken a little while, they both have a new respect for Dad and I think know they could get away with a lot. Fortunately, good girls. I'm lucky.
No real long post this time. I'm happy. Life is continuing and hand in hand with keeping up with the kids, I'm doing well at work and my outlook is bright. So, I wish only the same for all of you. Enough sadness, and suffering in the world. Everyday you don't have that.... you had better soak that up.
Sincerely,
Paul
Monday, January 4, 2010
High Voltage
Today was sad in that I learned about the death of a lady in town who was another victim of cancer. A husband left behind. Friends, family all affected. Let's just say it rang a bell. At work someone else in their work came across the subject with me, and I think they caught themself even before halfpoint realizing they were talking about cancer to me; a man who day after day danced with that evil thing which threatened the well being of my daughters, and directly my wife. People react differently. Some won't bring it up to me which I kind of hate when I see that happen. Others mow me down! I guess you can't have it all. It isn't an isolated thing. Many people have been victim to cancer and there will be more. I wish it weren't the truth but it is.
But this one was good in that the thoughts all got layed out there, and I was able to think about those left behind. The person is no longer in pain. I suppose being told the outcome one year and a half before it happened that two years would be almost unheard of... there is no cure. You go home and you live this grim reality day to day. It is looking back like being hooked up to high voltage and there is no circuit breaker. Amazing things come through faith. Grace evolves quite mysteriously. But it is very hard to describe. And I was thrown out on the other side, and had a profound different way of looking at this world. You aren't guaranteed anything. You have two children.... daughters! And their needs are yours. But I understand how people die from this.... the survivor!! And it takes some really hard work coming back from that. But these children forced me faster than I would have otherwise to get up, put on a good front until I felt it naturally. And within that I remembered the grim lesson. You aren't promised tommorow. You had better read that again. It may need to sink in if you've never had any of this stuff happen to you and yours. Because it will take your breath away. I am reminded today because of so many people who knew Betsy. I never had the privilege, just sort of missed her even in this small town. But she was loved greatly. So it reminded me of a time which for me I've had to keep movin, but was incredibly stressful. High Voltage. You learn to live this way and I've met people who lived this way five times the time we did. So I'm no expert and never want to be the expert. Less pressure that way. I do shed a lot of things that used to be important. You had better live, live like it is your last. This is not negative. It's real. Love the ones around you; don't hang too hard on lofty future things. Day at a time is ideal, yet some times the hardest thing on Earth! But I landed on the other side and I was sure I was going to be jaded forever. I thank God I wasn't however. For whatever reason, as someone said today... may be your purpose is still in motion. May your purpose also stay in motion. And thank God for those who have been and played their part. Stay Happy. Keep it simple. Don't text and drive. I guess to close, Keep it Simple. Love. Paul
But this one was good in that the thoughts all got layed out there, and I was able to think about those left behind. The person is no longer in pain. I suppose being told the outcome one year and a half before it happened that two years would be almost unheard of... there is no cure. You go home and you live this grim reality day to day. It is looking back like being hooked up to high voltage and there is no circuit breaker. Amazing things come through faith. Grace evolves quite mysteriously. But it is very hard to describe. And I was thrown out on the other side, and had a profound different way of looking at this world. You aren't guaranteed anything. You have two children.... daughters! And their needs are yours. But I understand how people die from this.... the survivor!! And it takes some really hard work coming back from that. But these children forced me faster than I would have otherwise to get up, put on a good front until I felt it naturally. And within that I remembered the grim lesson. You aren't promised tommorow. You had better read that again. It may need to sink in if you've never had any of this stuff happen to you and yours. Because it will take your breath away. I am reminded today because of so many people who knew Betsy. I never had the privilege, just sort of missed her even in this small town. But she was loved greatly. So it reminded me of a time which for me I've had to keep movin, but was incredibly stressful. High Voltage. You learn to live this way and I've met people who lived this way five times the time we did. So I'm no expert and never want to be the expert. Less pressure that way. I do shed a lot of things that used to be important. You had better live, live like it is your last. This is not negative. It's real. Love the ones around you; don't hang too hard on lofty future things. Day at a time is ideal, yet some times the hardest thing on Earth! But I landed on the other side and I was sure I was going to be jaded forever. I thank God I wasn't however. For whatever reason, as someone said today... may be your purpose is still in motion. May your purpose also stay in motion. And thank God for those who have been and played their part. Stay Happy. Keep it simple. Don't text and drive. I guess to close, Keep it Simple. Love. Paul
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