Just watching a Movie not long ago

I just got through watching the first half of the movie, "Michael Clayton". starring George Clooney. This is that type of movie I have watched the last 20 minutes of I can honestly say twelve times. But I never could understand it because I missed the beginning. So, the big day arrives... I finally by accident blunder onto this movie at its beginning. So, I'm already not watching it because I have the roots of what I could never understand just watching the ending. All of the above is prelude, does not matter. There is one line in this movie where Clooney stops his Mercedes after visiting his family and dealing with a brother who has had a lot of problems. He is upset, he drives but looks upset and then he stops. His son looks to him and Clooney's character looks back at him and says some dialogue that basically says, "If you do right and do alll the right things, these bad unfortunate things in life will never happen to you." Without even thinking, I came out of that scene and I was physically standing up because regardless of the context or brilliance of the script or whatever.... this is wrong. You can do everything right. As hard as you try. And you had better understand that adverse things are going to happen to the very best as well as the worst...if there is such a thing. I guess, worst means people that make the bad decisions repeatedly. I could go on forever on that one. Just that for anyone who goes through life and believes this can really happen will get crushed with confusion when something unexplainable and tragic happens.

This kind of thing can add years and years to the process of healing. When you understand after a lot of worrying that this or these events were out of your control, you can get on to true healing. I mean, I think I know that. I lost a brother when I was 18 years old, actually about a week before my birthday (or two weeks). I went through this dilemma then. What did I do? What could I have done differently? And I mean years afterward....Sets of 365 days repeated, did I finally exhaust the subject and realize I had used up a lot of valuable twenty year old time.

So, I'm firing off this post and I know its not that palatable to anyone. But it is right for me. I guess, also, maybe I am going down that path and I'm refusing to admit it... just clipping along at a much faster rate. Could I have done ANYTHING to stop this? And how can you forsee TNBC? Fast answer... you cannot. And it makes me feel no better about it all. If it had been in my control, I suppose I would have guilt. Yet I only, do have the feelings of loss and sadness. I had the funny thought as we battled this grim devil called cancer that when the war was decided, after all that time and hard work I would be at some sort of peace. That was wrong or even defensive thinking (kind of like defensive driving), the best way to occupy my mind.

Well I typed until the end of Michael Clayton.......... and that shut me up! If only THAT happened in the real world.
Paul