Holidays and more

I must apologize to everyone who has read my writing. I confess I have had trouble composing (for lack of better word) thoughts into something I just felt was worthy enough to be up here and occupy anyone's precious time. I have been shocked by word of mouth at how many people DO get on here! I have heard through different people feedback on a particular post... ironically it would be one I would leave here thinking that was terrible.. and would get interesting feedback about it. Positive as well. I do feel good when that happens. Can't harness it and use it at pure will like I would like to but this is fun for me. (I know... makes others scratch head).

I would like to say that the girls and I are getting along. We are doing very well in the very big picture. I have found that I am a good parent, and I'm not so sure I knew that before. If you could harness love in the manner you harness something like solar power, wow... end of any energy crisis. I hold these two very great, yet very unique kids as my most important thing on Earth. I've had help before and after in crafting these two very special kids' lives! Couldn't be more proud of either of them. The holidays are supposed to be very hard on a family after the loss and ... suffering. And they are. Without help I wouldn't have been able to pull out our Christmas tree. In fact the one we used every year did not get pulled out. Too much. Yet a very pretty tree we had, and Victoria went to the box of ornaments which Susie had a special charm regarding. Holidays were big for Susie. Really big in their importance and the excitement for the children. You only notice the vacuum afterwards. Yet Victoria went to the box of ornaments and selected the ones to adorn the new tree, and did very well. Due to my height, I put the angel on the top, and felt somehow complete with that. Getting her straight was the hardest thing I had to do regarding the tree.
What I want to say is that our family enjoyed Christmas and that we did allright. I'm a sentimental man. Always will be. I have too good of a memory, at least for now! But the big point is that there was laughter and love and true reverence for the event. The picture of us all in varied states of just melancholy is not accurate. A lot of things work on your mind, but I must say these girls are and were hardwired to be very strong, albeit gentle and good young ladies. I could not be more proud of them. Without them, I would not be in the good place I am finding myself. I am getting stronger every month! In September you could not have told me this and me believe you. Yet the more powerful I feel day to day, I've noticed ..quite by accident and to my own shock... the girls are getting stronger and more powerful. I was unable to realize at the worst how much my LIVING and my SPIRIT affects them! So with my love already known for these two, and the new things I've learned (of course) the hard way. What do you think I'm about to do?
I'm going to live. My daughters are going to always receive the most love and protection. Without them, I'm not sure what would have become of me. But please my friends be happy. Try to understand how crucial it is for us to see, feel, hear laughter again. I'm only now catching on. But it is crucial for ..well, everything!

I do sincerely hope everyone had happiness, JOY even. I used to say these words and too many years of my life not feel them. Practice them. Yet in a world, in which hard things can happen to the best of people without warning... you must Strive to Be Happy. I just heard my daughter's beautiful laughter from a room farther from here. It's beautiful music. Have a Happy New Year.... Paul Thomas Motheral