Sunday, October 25, 2009
Don't know how long blog will last, but price is right
My feelings about the caringbridge site had a lot of loyalty to Susie and trying to do what is right. I felt that further writings by me would not be appropriate on a website devoted to Susie. It is not a website dedicated to Paul writing whatever he comes up with. I read some chapters from a grief book this morning. First time I've consulted anything like this at depth. Good Stuff. It explained why people are having such a hard time being around me. The book explained that people get really troubled about what to Say to me. The book said that this is a big point of confusion, because I kind of need ears... not that much voices or advice. Just someone who will let me wear their ear out and they don't have to say anything profound, etc. But it allowed me to put myself in other's shoes and it is true. If I were on the flipside of this exact situation, would I want to get near it? Of course not. It would be hard no matter how much I cared for the people involved. As with anything else, when your hand is tied to the stove and you cannot remove it; you have no choice but to deal with it, even develop a sense of humor when you can about it. Who wants to grieve? Exactly. Plenty of times in each person's own life where you HAVE to! The point of this post is that I understand. I just have to do what is important, and also a good thing the book said is that all people grieve differently. Thank God. Cause one thing that I do know is that I'm grieving on my own pace and it will be what it is. I look for all the reasons to carry on, and there are so many. I don't grieve for a lot of the day, and then I after getting everything squared away find a little free time and then I don't mind getting through it. I don't think you can stuff it away and make it vanish. I don't think you can 'snap out of it'. I think you'd better get it out of your system however that may be, and then you are on the true healing path. I do apologize that I'm not writing like I did on caringbridge. It is harder to write with any good flow. whoop, a noise..I am needed.. Nite.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Paul - It's all right to grieve, it's important to grieve, how could you NOT grieve after what has happened in your life. Allow yourself to grieve, feel it, now and when you need to, but most importantly know that the cliche that time does heal is true. When I lost my beloved Dad at a relatively young age, I felt the grief envelope me and what helped the most was to talk about it with some dear people who had gone through the same loss.
ReplyDeleteNow many years down the road, I still think of my Dad with great love, but the sweet memories have faded the pain. But in the early days and weeks, all you can do is allow yourself to feel.
I think it would be good if you found a grief support group. It is invaluable to sit and talk about these feelings with people who are also there. I wish you a week of peace and good things with your girls.
Laura
I am grateful to you Laura for what is very good advice. I am starting to do better, and with work and the girls it is hard to travel to and attend things I want to do in town, much less in another town. But I have been able lately to laugh again, which is a deeper sign that we are going to make it. I will not lie, this has been hard and I get sad at the most unpredictable moments. Thank you for writing and giving me what I know is good advice. sincerely, paul.
ReplyDelete