I have to thank the lord for Tony's Pizza; and the fact I can cook these frozen pizzas. I mean, normally you have to go to a culinary institute or other cooking school to master making a frozen tony's pizza!!! I'm laughing of course, but it is one of Abbey's few foods she will eat and she likes the way I cook them just fine!
It is in one way so simple, yet in another it makes this father so very proud he can make his youngest happy in regard to her appetite. I jump to like a junior officer to a general when she requests a pizza, and I am almost running to start the oven, get the pizza from the freezer and get it underway.
I did not realize that during the time I stayed with susie during her illness, that I was desperately taking notes mentally as to the little things that make these girls happy. It showed itself the very same week of Susie's funeral. Both grandmothers had just about prepared and decided they were going to have to live with me for a bit so the girls would be taken care of and even they were a little impressed that I was as capable with the children as I was. It makes me very proud because they are all I have in a way. My little family apart from my parents and Susie's parents is just me and these two children. It brings a lot of comfort to know I'm holding my own.
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I'm not sure how I ended up here. I was looking for info on college for someone with autism. My son is a 15 year old 9th grader with autism. I went to the Bethel College site and was curious about the caringbridge link and went there to read some of the posts. Now, I'm a "follower" of your blog. Anyway, tonight I will pray for you and your girls. May you find blessings in the unexpected.
ReplyDeleteThat's a wild ride to find this blog DJL Battles! I would never imagine that route leading you here to this very new spot. My daughter, Abbey, is 11 years old and so I do understand being the father to an Autistic child. We are still in middle school, so with my wife's illness and the aftermath a college for Abbey has not been on my radar. It does raise a very good question and makes me wish for knowledge about that that I don't have. Hope you come back to this blog on occasion and tell me what you are learning.
ReplyDeletePaul Motheral
Paul - It's Laura from Shmoa here, and as the mom of a son with autism I can tell you that I also truly understand the value of a good frozen pizza and Tony's is up there with the best of them!! My philosophy is: Whatever they like and is reasonably healthy, go for it, and the more convenient the better. And pizza fits that bill perfectly.
ReplyDeleteI hope that your weekend was good. From your prior post, I can see that there was a bad spot in finding some old materials from Susie; Paul, with grief, this kind of thing can and will happen and sometimes when you expect it the least, so don't be too hard on yourself for going through old things. When my Dad, with whom I was very close, passed away, the grief was very sharp for the first year and I found the most comfort from talking with other friends who had also lost parents. I talked and talked and found that through this process, little by little some healing started. But even years later, I can drive by a lake or park we used to go to and memories of my Dad will flood back. They are just no longer sharp, but I still do miss him, which I know now is an honor to what kind of father he was.
When you get a chance, I did want to ask you how Abbey has transitioned into middle school? And what kind of classrooms and aides are being provided?
Hope this week starts out well for you!
Laura
I felt that there was a real reason for me to "find" your family. I'm just not sure what it is yet! My family is praying for your family. I have two other children. My oldest is 17 (a son) and my youngest is 13 (a daughter). I have prayed for my son with autism to have independence. But, I've also prayed many times that God would preserve my health for as long as he needs me. Maybe that is why I was drawn to your caringbridge. You do have a gift for writing. You and Abbey and Victoria are all in our prayers. I teach at a high school, so my heart is also "pricked" for your daughter Victoria. It probably sounds crazy, but I find teenagers to be so frustrating...but I also love them so much! May God wrap the three of you up in His loving arms. Bless you all...
ReplyDeleteLaura,
ReplyDeleteYou asked how Abbey has transitioned to middle school? Wonderfully! Long ago when Susie found out about this guy who lived in St. Louis who had helped an autistic girl in a nearby town. Her name was ironically, Mckenzie, the name of my hometown. The whole story of my first meeting with him deserves its own story because I thought he would be a Rasputin like character who would hypnotize my wife that he was doing good things all the while when he was only taking vast sums of money for therapy. It turned out after we paid plane fare, rent a car and hotel for this man that I learned what a Behavioralist is. He knew his stuff, and at that time Abbey was so young, way before school and her behavior was out of control. He watched her very closely and one thing he said which stands to this day is that we were very lucky. The biggest motivating thing for Abbey was positive approval; she actually likes multiple people praising her at the same time! She would not give you eye contact way back then which is typical of autistic children but when everyone spontaneously but gently yelled, "Yaaaaa Abbey", Abbey stopped..looked all of them dead in the eye and lit up like a christmas tree. So, as school has gone along more and more teachers have been good enough to educate the children who are around her every day. Now there are so many that understand so much more about Abbey (in the beginning they all thought she was retarded and I guess many were scared of her) but now teachers have helped them understand Abbey. Growing up with no friends your own age is sad, and Abbey has pretty much had to do that. Breaks a parent's heart. But as she has watched these non-autistic peers interact, she has learned to watch and imitate.. thus she is much calmer and does not do as many behaviors that stand out because she noticed that they don't. In PE she actually wanted her aide who has been with her every grade and who is an angel walking on Earth, but she asked/made her sit down instead of the normal "stick with me". She had watched a certain game long enough and came to be at ease among these other kids that she wanted to play. The kids let her play and when she scored a point or did it right they all cheered for her. You can imagine Abbey's little heart swelling! So she is growing exponentially. When the kids accept her and understand more about her, she has been having a great time. I feared middle school so much my wife and I debated whether to let Abbey go. Middle school can be cruel. But Abbey has done more and more, and her understanding of things just keeps growing. In many ways Abbey had to pave the way for autistic children in our town's school system. But Abbey is a tough cookie. She likes to make people underestimate her and then blow them away when they least expect it. I pray all of this continues on its trajectory. But of course a parent wishes the best for all of his children. Just like my oldest in high school. Victoria makes good decisions, and we don't know how she developed such good skills at this. Its not the typical teenager, so I'm sure it is lonely sometimes because I was a 16 year old who did not have half this girl's maturity! Victoria will find life after high school very easy and good, as opposed to me who the transition from high school life to real life gave me severe problems adjusting and growing up!
DJBattles,
ReplyDeleteI do hope you continue to stay with me on this blog. I feel so strongly regarding Autism that I welcome any and all thoughts you have on your situation; likely the same things will be concerns of mine as Abbey ages. I, like you, am concerned for the long term future because as a parent you always want to protect as well as encourage further development and progress. School has been so good for us in that Abbey studies these other kids. From that, she has learned more patience and other things that I don't think she would have picked up as well as if she did not have a group of peers to take cues from and it shows. Her language is starting to improve; in that she has known how to speak for a long time; just not wanted to. lately, i will ask a question like did you have a good day (not expecting an answer) and in that little voice she will more often say, "fine'. So, these kids are smart and the possibilites are strong and we both have reason to be positive and proud. thanks for hanging around... Paul
Paul,
ReplyDeleteYou are such a gifted writer. I have enjoyed reading your blog...when I have time. I am a busy high school math teacher and mother of three. Between caring for the family, doing church work, grading papers, writing lesson plans, watching my daughter play basketball (or more often just getting her to and from practices)I don't have lots of time for blogging. But, please don't quit. You will be glad to have this one day. It is like a journal for you, but can serve the dual purpose of helping others. I enjoyed reading about Abbey and Middle School. My son is in his first year of high school and it has been a good transition. Of course I think it helped that he has been there so much because he has always come straight to the high school at the end of the school day since I work there. He takes regular classes, has an aide, and makes very good grades (all A's this second six weeks!) I'll share some more about my Seth sometime soon. I'm still praying for you and your girls. Keep writing...
Donna