Whatever comes to Mind

I'm happy this blog is starting to work correctly. You might imagine my initial reaction after I had set it up (yet not realized I had not enabled others to post), and noone wrote anything! Much different from the way it was on Caringbridge! I basically figured that the blog idea was a failure and that I would just write to an audience of one. I was happy to see some people want to log on and read and more importantly, write.. to spark ideas and I've just always enjoyed it since I learned about the discussion boards on America Online all the way back to 1993-1995. When Autism became a part of our lives in about 1999, there were more limited places for discussion boards and the AOL board was big. Sadly, I think in the roughly seven or so years I was a part of the board of other autistic parents there was only one other father. Doesn't mean there aren't a lot of super fathers who have children with Autism, but they either never found the discussion boards or they didn't care to write. But although we seemed to all be going through the same phase of Autism, 'the younger years", mostly it was moms pouring out their heart and worrying about this or that. Divorce rate probably played its part (it was 85 percent then for couples with an autistic child_has gotten higher in later years). Whatever, I learned a lot and in areas that we had succeeded I shared those kind of victories. I learned we were lucky, due to the fact some autistic children have seizure disorders, gastrointestinal disorders, and on. Abbey's the healthiest physical child I've ever seen! So we were blessed in that regard. It widened my understanding and broke my heart for some of these parents who had more than just figuring out autistic behavior to deal with. It's a shame that board kind of fell apart. As happens, certain personalities clashed and next thing you know the thing after so many good years broke into pieces.
Well, I just wanted to type. The girls are in bed, and I'm happy that things have been going good. Not great! Everyone of this family including the ones who don't live here are still deeply affected by the loss of Susie. I saw a picture on facebook of Susie. It was the year before she won the Ms. Mckenzie pageant so I did not know her at that time. But just a look at the phtograph, and it was kinda like falling in love again. Made me remember why I adored her then the way I did. Like the song, "The Dance" by Garth Brooks which sadly I had never heard until Joe curtis' funeral.... That time period was the time right before we started 'dancing'. And with all the things we had to go through, No I wouldn't change a thing. When I talk about her beauty now, I'm talking about her heart, her thought processes and just the random kindness she would do; many of the things I never knew until people told me. So, even to miss the pain, I would have never missed the dance. Grief is a terrible thing. And I'm not the only person on Earth who knows about grief. However, I realize this will take some time. The holidays I predict will be hard on us all. If we get through all of that, possibly the new year can really provide the long road back from this grief. I'll digress. And hope everyone is finding the good and funny things in each day in order to keep on going! Paul